They left so childishly, but now they want it all back.
Arriving to that point in my life where my future is just about set up. All that remains is what I do in my spare time in my coming days, and who I choose to spend that time with. I’m still fairly young which gives me plenty of time to find someone to share my space with. But i’ve come to realize that in order to find that person, I need to understand just how important that commitment is. I am no longer at that point in my life where I can aimlessly allow someone to become close and share all of me with them. I am not just letting them know who I am now, but allowing them to be there for who I become in my future.
When people bring you up, I’m so goddamn lost on what to say. F’real.
i don’t think brown eyes get enough love it’s always those blue and hazel fuckers that get the praise and attention. you’re too afraid to look me in the eyes and face the chocolate-y abyss.
I am so tired of “the city”. I’m drained from the daily struggles and keeping up with the “hustle”. I am the happiest I can be when i’m in nature and that is exactly where I need to be right now. I’ve been losing all motivation to work hard and I feel myself starting to become stuck in one place. My heart just isn’t dedicated anymore. I find myself stuck in repetition, and I hate it. I need to get away and reset myself.
Thought I couldn’t live without you. It’s going to hurt when it heals too. Even though I really love you, I’m going to smile because I deserve to. Oh, it’ll get better in time.
There’s a difference between being confident and just acting egotistical. Know the difference and don’t ever go over to the egotistical side when you’re around me. I will call you out on it.
I couldn’t really choose a certain topic so this blog is just a whole mush of a lot of things I can just spill on this page. Enjoy it. This is all candid and from the heart and brain. I just have so much on my brain that I have to get it out before I go crazy. So if this is all over the place, it’s because I’m just typing whatever comes to mind. So, what is the definition of happiness? Short period of joy and smiles? I emphasize on short period. Why? Cause it seems like happiness can never stay in one persons life forever. Think my opinion is wrong? Then tell me this, have you honestly been happy your whole life? Every single second since the day you were born, have you been happy? The answer should be no. So what is happiness? It is the climax to everyone’s life, then after all the happiness is the falling action. So the truth I say about happiness is, it’s a time to time thing. You can never have happiness 24/7, no matter how hard you try. I may sound like a pessimist, but really i’m not. I realize that you can’t be happy all the time, but as long as everything is alright at the end of the day, what else matters? The first thing people should also realize about happiness is that you should never depend on another person to make you happy. You are your own person and your happiness factor should be determined on your own. Well onto my next topic, experiences? Sure why not. I like to call learning from an experience an epiphany. Why? Cause once you start learning from an experience you have a sudden realization of things, and isn’t that what an epiphany is? Yes. So I may get into the religion part of this blog, but just hear me out. I’m starting to realize that maybe, God gives us our experiences to prepare us for what is to come. He intentionally puts us through tests so that he can help us adapt and grow in controlled situations. He puts us into situations that he knows we’ll learn from later on. He sets us up for tragedy not because he wants to punish us for sinning against him, but to makes us strong for the things he has layed out for us in our future. He created us, so he must know what lies before us. Sometimes the situations we go through will hurt us in ways we can’t explain to anyone and no one but yourself can understand, but at some point in the future you’ll come upon a situation just like the one in your past. At that moment in time though, you’ll have more wisdom of what to do. Because you have been through it before. God never wastes an experience. The only thing is how we respond to the experiences. We must be humble students and allow God to teach us something, but God’s love never fails. Some may go through so many situations to help them learn the whole lesson. Yet in the end they will know that through all the hurt and pain and tears they will become stronger and have more knowledge, and remember that God will be there for them. No matter how long it takes them to become the strong person God wants them to be. I have always gone by this specific quote when it came to troubles in my life “Experience is the hardest teacher, it gives the test first, and the lesson after”. So always use your experiences to make you stronger for your future. Well here goes my last topic, and I know this will be a very emotional topic for me, and maybe for those reading it. In this life we receive three of the greatest things that can be achieved through time, and those three achievements would be; Faith, Hope, and the greatest, Love. Three words, three different meanings, yet somehow they all fit in the same category. Funny, right? But how exactly can I explain any of these words/feelings, when it’s difficult for me to even believe in the last one? Guess I can try my best, right? Why not. If I fail, you can always correct me I don’t mind. Rather fail trying than not attempting at all. So going on, faith. Lets see what a dictionary has to say about faith shall we? “Confidence or trust in a person or thing”. To me that means that when you have “confidence” in someone you believe that they’ll do something great, or they’ll be astounding in something. To have confidence in someone is showing them that you look beyond anything bad they have done and you can believe that they have purpose, and will and can achieve greatness. Now trust in a person, when you trust in someone you give them the power to control things. Usually with me I can’t trust people very well. So it shows to you I don’t let people control things with me. I don’t rely on things they say, it’s more about their actions. “Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation”. Hope is like a wish, sometimes its do-able and sometimes it’s just something that cannot happen. To hope is to believe that a certain action or feeling or thing will or may happen. “I hope for a better tomorrow”. You ask for the next day to be enjoyable, but you’re not certain it will be. Hope to me can be unknowing and keeps you on your toes. It never gives a direct answer. It leaves you lingering wondering what the final answer will be. Hope is something everyone should have. Always be optimistic with hope cause you never know what can happen. Especially when you hope for things wonderful, exhilarating, joyous. On to the last topic. I really do not want to talk about this but it’s been heavy on my mind. L o v e; four letter word that can bring on so many different emotions to a person. One emotion being hurt, which is also a four letter word that is not pleasant. I honestly don’t know where to start with this topic. It’s so hard for me to write about this without crying. Love to me is not something that should be taken lightly. To be “in love” means to me that you are in the presence of something wonderful. You get that feeling of warmth and sense of security. When you are in love you feel that your life is going ever so slowly, yet wonderfully. You start to live a life that is so breezy and gentle. Now when it comes to that time, you start to love that person. Now no longer is it that you are “In love”, but now you have something to love. I know it may not seem like there is a difference, but really there is. Cause now you have a set thing to love. It is that person you call your significant other/baby/babe/honey/sweetie/etc. You give all your time to that one person. You do anything just to make them happy. Why? Because you feel that seeing them happy before you is the best thing ever. So what does loving a person mean to me? It means showing them that you are there for them, no matter the situation. Loving a person is not all about just saying “I Love You”, it is about the actions. When you Love someone you support them, you encourage them, you believe in them. I once told someone that I love the person they brought out in me, I love who I am with them. When you love someone, you show that you will be there through the good and bad. Many people tell me, oh I fell out of love with that person I guess it’s life and it happened. I believe that life has nothing to do with people “falling out of love”, because if you truly loved them then that love will never disappear. You can never stop loving a person. Why not? Because no matter what, you left that part of yourself with them. That part that only that certain person could bring out in you. So the next time you say “I don’t love that person anymore” Think twice. In a complete thought to sum up my theory of love, it’s sort of simple. “Love is a ride or die thing”. When you truly find a person that brings out the best in you, that’s when all you want to do is be there for them. Ride or Die. Past nor the Future counts. What matters is the present. As long as you love them, you will protect them, support them, and conquer all things with them. Always remember though, patience is key. “Love is like art, it can never be rushed. It takes time to see the perfection in the finished product” So there you go. My night of thoughts. I know I may still be young and most of my thoughts may not be right, but it’s my perspective. You are you, your brain is yours to control so do not let others influence you to be somebody you don’t want to be.
Always remember, when your heart and mind fail you, God will always be by your side ready to catch you when you feel like falling. In his arms you always be. He will never give up or forget you. No one is more understanding than God himself. God will always be the gravity to your life. No matter what fails you, he will always keep you leveled and never let you float away from him.